Stepping out of a power struggle

How to deal with provocation, anger and the urge to be right without feeding a contest or inviting revenge.

Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's framework, from The Courage To Be Disliked, pp. 57 to 113.

Spot it
When another person's words make you genuinely angry, treat that as a sign you are being challenged to a power struggle.
Do not react
Do not answer their action with a reaction, and do not get taken in however strong the provocation.
Step down
Withdraw from the conflict as soon as you sense it, since winning only starts the revenge stage.
Use language, not anger
Say what you mean in words, because communication is possible without anger.
Let go of being right
Admit mistakes and apologise freely, as stepping down is not defeat.

From chapter: THE SECOND NIGHT: ALL PROBLEMS ARE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, pp. 57–113

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