A method for removing interpersonal friction by deciding whose task a thing is and refusing to intrude on, or be intruded on in, tasks that belong to someone else.
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's framework, from The Courage To Be Disliked, pp. 114 to 153.
Ask whose task it is
For any worry, ask whose task this is, starting with the question of who will ultimately receive the result of the choice.
Draw the line
Work out calmly where your own tasks end and where another person's tasks begin.
Do not intrude
Stay out of other people's tasks, and do not let anyone intrude on yours.
Offer help without taking over
Tell the person the task is theirs and that you are ready to assist when asked, without forcing it.
Leave judgement of you with them
What others think of you, and whether they like you, is their task, so you carry on with your own.
From chapter: THE THIRD NIGHT: DISCARD OTHER PEOPLE’S TASKS, pp. 114–153
The third night turns to freedom. The philosopher denies the desire for recognition and says nobody is living to meet other people's expectations. He introduces the separation of tasks: ask whose task something is by asking who will receive the final result, and do not intrude on other people's tasks or let them intrude on yours. What others think of you is their task, so freedom is being disliked by other people and the cost of freedom in relationships is that someone will dislike you. He uses Alexander cutting the Gordian knot as the image, and his own repaired relationship with his father to show that you always hold the cards in a relationship.
