Pauses, encouragers, mirror, label, paraphrase and summary.
Chris Voss's framework, from Never Split the Difference, pp. 81 to 94.
Pauses and encouragers
Make them talk.
Mirror and label
Show you hear them.
Paraphrase
In your own words.
Summary
Paraphrase plus label.
From chapter: CHAPTER 5 | TRIGGER THE TWO WORDS THAT IMMEDIATELY TRANSFORM ANY NEGOTIATION, pp. 81–94
Using the Abu Sayyaf kidnapping of Jeffrey Schilling, Voss presents the FBI's Behavioral Change Stairway Model and says the sweetest words in a negotiation are 'That's right', not 'Yes'. After four months of a stuck 'war damages' demand, a two page script told the Filipino negotiator to use pauses, minimal encouragers, mirroring, labeling, paraphrase and a full summary, and the kidnapper finally said 'That's right' and dropped money altogether. 'You're right' is the worst answer because it means 'go away'. Case studies with a son, a pharma rep and a Korean employee show a summary producing the breakthrough.
