Name emotions and say the worst accusations before they do.
Chris Voss's framework, from Never Split the Difference, pp. 44 to 63.
Detect
Words, music and dance.
Label
'It seems like...'.
Silence
Let them respond.
Audit
List and say the accusations first.
From chapter: CHAPTER 3 | DON’T FEEL THEIR PAIN, LABEL IT, pp. 44–63
Using a six hour doorway negotiation in a Harlem high-rise, Voss defines tactical empathy as recognising the other side's perspective and saying it aloud, without agreeing with it. Labeling gives a name to an emotion, starts with phrases such as 'It seems like', and is followed by silence, which defuses negatives and reinforces positives. The accusation audit lists every terrible thing the counterpart might say about you and says it first. Case studies include a Redskins ticket call script, a Girl Scouts donor and a contractor who recovered $1 million.
