How and what questions that steer while they feel in control.
Chris Voss's framework, from Never Split the Difference, pp. 117 to 133.
Know the destination
Design the question for it.
Start with what or how
Avoid why.
No closed verbs
Avoid can, is, do.
Deferential tone
A request for help.
From chapter: CHAPTER 7 | CREATE THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL, pp. 117–133
The failure at Dos Palmas, where Abu Sayyaf hostages Martin and Gracia Burnham were held for thirteen months, led Voss to rethink the showdown mindset. A Pittsburgh drug dealer who simply asked a kidnapper 'how do I know she's all right?' showed that a calibrated, open question makes the other side volunteer the answer. Calibrated questions start with 'what' or 'how', avoid yes or no verbs and 'why', and steer the conversation while giving the illusion of control. The chapter ends with an eight step script for a client who was not being paid, which failed only because she lost control of her anger.
