--- title: "Stepping out of a power struggle" description: "How to deal with provocation, anger and the urge to be right without feeding a contest or inviting revenge." canonical: https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/stepping-out-of-a-power-struggle/ updated: 2026-11-03 --- # Stepping out of a power struggle > How to deal with provocation, anger and the urge to be right without feeding a contest or inviting revenge. Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's framework, from The Courage To Be Disliked, pp. 57 to 113. Framework 3 of 6 from [The Courage To Be Disliked](https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/index.md) by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Category: Leadership. ## The steps 1. **Spot it.** When another person's words make you genuinely angry, treat that as a sign you are being challenged to a power struggle. 2. **Do not react.** Do not answer their action with a reaction, and do not get taken in however strong the provocation. 3. **Step down.** Withdraw from the conflict as soon as you sense it, since winning only starts the revenge stage. 4. **Use language, not anger.** Say what you mean in words, because communication is possible without anger. 5. **Let go of being right.** Admit mistakes and apologise freely, as stepping down is not defeat. ## Where it comes from From chapter: THE SECOND NIGHT: ALL PROBLEMS ARE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, pp. 57–113 ## The animation 24 seconds, 4:5, no sound. - MP4: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/stepping-out-of-a-power-struggle.mp4 - MP4, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/stepping-out-of-a-power-struggle-dark.mp4 - Still: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/stepping-out-of-a-power-struggle.png - Still, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/stepping-out-of-a-power-struggle-dark.png