--- title: "Self-acceptance, confidence in others, contribution to others" description: "The three linked keys to moving from attachment to self to concern for others and reaching community feeling." canonical: https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/self-acceptance-confidence-in-others-contribution-to-others/ updated: 2026-11-03 --- # Self-acceptance, confidence in others, contribution to others > The three linked keys to moving from attachment to self to concern for others and reaching community feeling. Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's framework, from The Courage To Be Disliked, pp. 198 to 255. Framework 5 of 6 from [The Courage To Be Disliked](https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/index.md) by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Category: Leadership. ## The steps 1. **Self-acceptance.** Accept the irreplaceable 'this me' as it is, see what you can and cannot change, and have the courage to change what you can. 2. **Confidence in others.** Believe in others unconditionally, as opposed to trust that is set on conditions, and leave their reaction to them. 3. **Contribution to others.** Act on your comrades in a way that gives you the feeling 'I am of use to someone', without sacrificing yourself. ## Where it comes from From chapter: THE FIFTH NIGHT: TO LIVE IN EARNEST IN THE HERE AND NOW, pp. 198–255 ## The animation 24 seconds, 4:5, no sound. - MP4: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/self-acceptance-confidence-in-others-contribution-to-others.mp4 - MP4, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/self-acceptance-confidence-in-others-contribution-to-others-dark.mp4 - Still: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/self-acceptance-confidence-in-others-contribution-to-others.png - Still, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/the-courage-to-be-disliked/self-acceptance-confidence-in-others-contribution-to-others-dark.png