--- title: "Four times 'No' and the Rule of Three" description: "Refuse softly so the other side bids against itself and test a 'yes' three times." canonical: https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/four-times-no-and-the-rule-of-three/ updated: 2026-11-03 --- # Four times 'No' and the Rule of Three > Refuse softly so the other side bids against itself and test a 'yes' three times. Chris Voss's framework, from Never Split the Difference, pp. 134 to 154. Framework 6 of 9 from [Never Split the Difference](https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/index.md) by Chris Voss. Category: Offers and pricing. ## The steps 1. **How am I supposed to do that?.** Request for help. 2. **Your offer is generous, I'm sorry.** Soft no. 3. **I'm sorry, I can't.** Direct but empathic. 4. **I'm sorry, no.** Gentle. 5. **No.** Last. ## Where it comes from From chapter: CHAPTER 8 | GUARANTEE EXECUTION, pp. 134–154 Voss says a deal is only as good as its implementation, and 'Yes' is nothing without 'How'. In the Ecuador kidnapping of José, his wife Julie answered every demand with a question and drove the ransom from $5 million to $16,500 while the kidnappers argued among themselves and José escaped. The chapter covers the 'How' as a gentle 'No', influencing the people behind the table, spotting lies with the 7-38-55 rule, the Pinocchio effect and pronoun use, the Rule of Three, and the 'Chris discount'. A four step 'No' series let a student get a seller to bid against himself from €30,812 to €23,567. ## The animation 24 seconds, 4:5, no sound. - MP4: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/four-times-no-and-the-rule-of-three.mp4 - MP4, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/four-times-no-and-the-rule-of-three-dark.mp4 - Still: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/four-times-no-and-the-rule-of-three.png - Still, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/four-times-no-and-the-rule-of-three-dark.png