--- title: "Confront without confrontation (mirror)" description: "Disagree without being disagreeable using voice, apology, mirror and silence." canonical: https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/confront-without-confrontation-mirror/ updated: 2026-11-03 --- # Confront without confrontation (mirror) > Disagree without being disagreeable using voice, apology, mirror and silence. Chris Voss's framework, from Never Split the Difference, pp. 24 to 43. Framework 1 of 9 from [Never Split the Difference](https://tomsharman.com/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/index.md) by Chris Voss. Category: Life and thinking. ## The steps 1. **DJ voice.** Slow, soft, downward inflection. 2. **'I'm sorry'.** Open softly. 3. **Mirror.** Repeat the last one to three words. 4. **Silence.** At least four seconds. 5. **Repeat.** Mirror again. ## Where it comes from From chapter: CHAPTER 2 | BE A MIRROR, pp. 24–43 Told through the 1993 Chase Manhattan bank siege in Brooklyn, the chapter teaches that assumptions blind and hypotheses guide. Voss shows how to slow down, quiet the voices in your own head, and use the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive and playful voice, and rarely the assertive voice. The core tool is the mirror, repeating the last one to three words someone said, which makes them elaborate and reveals information. A student uses the sequence of DJ voice, 'I'm sorry', mirror, silence and repeat to stop her boss's pointless drive-by request. ## The animation 24 seconds, 4:5, no sound. - MP4: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/confront-without-confrontation-mirror.mp4 - MP4, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/confront-without-confrontation-mirror-dark.mp4 - Still: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/confront-without-confrontation-mirror.png - Still, dark: https://tomsharman-downloads-006143767029.s3.eu-north-1.amazonaws.com/downloads/bookshelf/never-split-the-difference/confront-without-confrontation-mirror-dark.png